Here’s a little quiz for you.
{All three of you who are reading this.}
{Yes, I’m talking to you. Humor me by pretending to read this.}
{No, I’ll never really know if you read it or not. I don’t check my stats. I’m awesome and famous in my head. It’s good enough for me and Bobby McGee.}
{The answers are in blue.}
1. Where has Ms. Wasteland been the last 2 weeks?
a. In Bora Bora with the pool boy.
b. In the basement scrubbing the moldy walls and throwing away soggy toys.
c. On her couch with a box of Double Stuff oreos.
d. At work with small children who tell her to “shut her damn mouth” and a group of beyotches/co-workers who think they’re in high school.
e. C and D.
2. What has been occupying Ms. Wasteland’s time for the last 2 weeks?
a. Keeping The TO sexually satisfied.
b. Writing a literary work of genius.
c. Playing Pawn Stars on FB.
d. Making boards on Pinterest and then feeling bad about how crappy her life really is.
e. C and D.
3. Ms. Wasteland plans on returning to blogging:
a. When politicians stop being horn dogs.
b. When she has something deep and insightful to share.
c. Someday.
4. Ms. Wasteland’s plans for the rest of the summer include:
a. Cruising to Bermuda.
b. Visiting NYC.
c. Hanging with her Blog Besties.
d. Getting her parents moved in their new house.
e. Reading tons of mindless romance novels/chick lit.
f. All of the above. {DUH!}
5. Ms. Wasteland wants you to:
a. Send her some Xanax before the big moving day.
b. Send her some Xanax before she leaves for the cruise.
c. Wear sunscreen and use a condom.
d. All of the above.
PS I would turn the comments off but I still can’t figure out how to do it for an individual post.
PPS I haven’t blogged in so long I couldn’t even figure out how to log in to my account tonight.
PPPS I’m positive there is no correlation between the above and the wine I had at dinner tonight.
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I would share Xanax if I had. Do you know any pool boys in my area? Hell. I’ll even take a pond boy. Congrats on finding a place for your parents.
someday?
I’ll miss ya girlie. And i will happily keep my email subscription to this little space and look forward to the next time something from you graces my inbox. Be well my friend.
Condoms? What?
Miss you
I am hoping that it is the Double Stuff Oreos AND the bora bora . . . but I fear it is the bitch slapping and the mold and the servicing of TO.
Hope I am wrong and you are having a fabulous and double stuffed time.:)
Should I be concerned that I read your entire post but could only remember the words “Double Stuff Oreos” and now have a deep craving?
I like your boards on Pinterest.
At least you’ve got an excuse. I’d just rather lay out by the pool (maybe drinking) while my children swim all their energy out. And my 9yo daughter spelled me a bitch today. I slapped her face. Good times.
I am leaving a comment to let you know that I think you’re super swell. I thought you saw kids that had trouble speaking. So glad they’re still able to verbally bitch slap you. Kudos to your work! *tipping my hat*
Ok, maybe I dreamed this… I thought you were in Florida dropping the kids off with your parents??? I’m clueless.
Wine or no wine, that’s some good multiple choice right there.
I hear the pool boys in Bora Bora don’t mind being called Bobby McGee
(by ladies consuming large quantities of oreos and Xanax).
I’ll meet you there tomorrow.