I am what could be described as delicate sleeper.
I need 7 to 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep in order to function the next day.
This is why I wasn’t good with infants. And by not good with infants I mean that many days I could be found laying on the kitchen floor wailing louder than the baby.
The TO is a hot mess in many ways. The least of these is the fact that he refuses to grow the eff up and realize that he is an adult and must act like one.
I’m not even talking about going to concerts or watching cartoons. (This time.)
The man is too damn stubborn/stupid/selfish to go to bed at a decent hour.
Most nights The TO sleeps on my formerly lovely leather sofa that is now sagging with butt indentations and reeking of his morning breath.
I could get past that (sort of) if he would just stay there all night.
But he tends to wake up at 4 am every morning. Then he comes to bed.
The TO doesn’t just slip quietly into bed. Oh no, he turns on lights and stumbles around like Jack Tripper. The he heads to the master bathroom and splashes like a duck for 20 minutes.
When The TO finally flops into the bed he tries to carry on a conversation or have sex.
*Insert my Bitch Please face here.*
After I insult him he rolls over and starts snoring.
(The TO is the only person I know who can go from randy to catatonic in 3 seconds.)
I’m AWAKE and I’m PISSED OFF. Which means that I’m not going back to sleep anytime soon.
Which means that I will spend all day chugging coffee, longing for the days when trucker speed was legal, and planning my imaginary divorce.
Which means that I’m not exactly the ideal 50’s Housewife when The TO comes home from work.
By that I mean that he’s picking up the pizza, bathing the kids, and staying the hell away from me till bedtime.
Which means that The TO will sleep on the couch till 4 am to avoid me.
And the entire cycle will start again.
Does anyone know if Kentucky is a community property state?