Merry Chriskwanmukkah and all that jazz.

One of the benefits of not doing the whole Santa thing is that we can have Christmas whenever the heck we want.

Since we’ll be traveling on Christmas Day (a future blog post if my head doesn’t explode from the 15 hour car trip) we let the kids open presents two nights ago.

I didn’t want to haul all their loot with us in the van. Also, I (mistakenly) assumed that new toys and video games might keep them out of my hair for at least a couple of hours while I cleaned and packed.

Three months prior to Christmas my 10 year old insisted that the only thing he wanted was an Xbox 360 with Kinect.

We told him that it couldn’t be exclusively his. It had to be for both boys. (Sharing is not his forte.)

The TO and I planned to get them the Xbox, some accessories, and a few video games. Easy-peasy.

*record scratch*

Three weeks before Christmas (and one week after we had purchased hundreds of dollars worth of Xbox crap) my darling tween changed his mind.

“I don’t really like to play video games. Besides…buying an Xbox only gives Microsoft and Bill Gates more money. Bill Gates is the evilest man on Earth. But not as evil as Somali pirates.”

So we did what any other college educated idiots who happen to be in credit card debt up to their eyeballs would do…We bought the boys more “stuff”.

They each made wish lists and we bought Every. Single. Thing. On. Them.

No, we didn’t return the Xbox. That would make too much sense.

Imagine my thinly disguised anger when Tweenie started fussing 5 hours before present opening time.

“I think this heavy one is an Xbox.”

“You’d better not have bought an Xbox.”

“I hope this isn’t an Xbox.”

“Mother, you know how I feel about Bill Gates.”

And on and on and on.

When it was time to open gifts the dreaded Xbox was the first thing the kids ripped into.

*crickets*

They moved onto the rest of the loot but Tweenie was already worked up into a frenzy.

His brother was ecstatic and thanked us after every gift he opened.

This only escalated Tweenie’s rage as the one thing that really pisses him off is to see his little brother happy.

The night ended with The TO forcing Tweenie to retire for the night.

Then The TO played Xbox and battled Kung Zhu hamsters with Little Brother whilst I Googled reputable online pharmacies and military schools. (Also, I may have checked ebay prices for Xboxes.)

Our current Road Trip Peace Record is 3 hours. I’m betting we don’t make it that far on this one but I’ve been wrong before.

(Like the time I *assumed* one wouldn’t get pregnant when on the pill. Hello, Little Brother!)

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas (or just an awesome weekend if you’re celebrating something else or not at all) and I’ll “see” you sometime in 2011.

(That sounds all futuristic, doesn’t it? Where’s my robot maid? Where’s my space travel? Where are the cyborgs trying to rule us all?)

PS  Only Bruce Willis or an unborn baby can save us from certain doom.